Feminist In Fighting: The Female Dating Strategy Edition

Over the pandemic, I stumbled upon a subreddit entitled ‘Female Dating Strategy.’ First of all, I loved it. It was the vitriolic, catty, mean girls reaction to the current state of ‘liberal feminism versus Internet incels.’ It was the perfect concoction of misandry, misogyny and sex negativity to keep me thoroughly entertained for at least twenty minutes a day while I rolled around the Internet.

But, first, what is Female Dating Strategy? Some people liken it to women’s version of incels of Men Going Their Own Way. It’s a combination of female empowerment and regressive dating tips that categorizes men as either “Low Value Men” who have no money and can’t get their dicks hard and “High Value Men” who (you guessed it) have money and can get their dicks hard. Women are likewise categorized as either “Queens” who follow the FDS dogma or “pick mes” who bend over backwards to please their low value boyfriends. Some of the dating tips that FDS advocate are not putting out on the first date (or second, or third), insisting on dinner dates as a first date, and having men pay for everything. I’d say that FDS takes a pretty marriage-minded approach to dating. Their dogma also advocates against pornography, video games, sex workers, and every once in a while trans women. They’re ruthless in their skewering of low value men (honestly, that’s why I follow the subreddit because they go IN, and you know I love a good hanging in the town square).

Naturally, I gravitated towards this subreddit. What can I say – I love other people’s dating horror stories. And after having chalked up a few of my own, there was something very relatable about the conversations. Sure, there are plenty of things with which I disagree on this subreddit. Apparently, if a man suggests coffee for a first date, that’s a red flag. They’re super anti-porn and anti-sex worker, which is a bummer to me because clearly I love both those things. But FDS indulges my yen for feminist trauma porn, and they’re just so mean! However, omigod, they can be mean to women, too. Which is part of where the schism comes from: FDS loathes liberal feminists and, well, they’re the nexus of the backlash on hook up culture – something I advocated and participated in eagerly a few years ago. That’s fine – I enjoyed hook up culture while I was there, but I get that hook up culture wasn’t good for everyone. FDS claims to be the scion of modern feminism, and they’re trying to pry the mantle of feminism from liberal feminists’ hands.

The liberal feminists are not having it. They claim that FDS is just black pilled pseudo-feminism, with main points of contention being attitudes towards porn and sex. I didn’t realize how vitriolic the rivalry was until I got kicked out of r/askfeminists for merely talking about FDS. I don’t consider myself an adherent of FDS, just a fan. But I also resent liberal feminism, mostly because they let themselves get exploited by Hilary Clinton in the name of a failed election bid. Or, I guess what I’m saying is: I’m a feminist in no one’s eyes on the Internet. Which is fine by me. I’m not interested in pussy scented candles or girl bossing around town. Just, let me have my cancel culture and leave me alone. I’m thoroughly content with being problematic by myself on my couch. So what, the ideas that I advocated for are no longer trendy and have been twisted against me. That’s fine. I’ll survive. I just wanna watch hentai porn, read about Qanon and watch the financial news.

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