I’ve reached the age where people like to ask if I have kids or if I’m planning to have kids. First of all, none of your god damn business. Second of all, yes, I have kids. I have 14 kids. Now, I know what you’re thinking – that’s a lie! Well, actually it’s not. Legally, I have 14 descendants. Of course, that’s the legal definition, and the legal definition also differentiates between ‘linear’ and ‘collateral’ descendants. A linear descendant is defined as a son or daughter. A collateral descendant is defined as a nephew or niece. So, yeah, I have 14 collateral descendants. And seeing as synonyms for descendants include ‘progeny,’ ‘children,’ and ‘kids,’ then, fuck yeah, I have 14 kids. Because fuck if I’m going to have my accomplishments as auntie discounted just because I’m too lazy to follow through with pregnancy. I’m there for my kids. I have an impact on their lives, their personalities, their futures. And just because society is too obsessed with the concept of parenthood to honor that doesn’t mean that I’m going to let it slide. So, yes, I have kids, stop bothering me about it!