I was recently talking to a woman whom I admire professionally, and in the midst of conversation, she referred to herself as a “ball buster.” That phrase made me stop in my tracks, mostly because we were in a normie, vanilla, professional setting, and also because (unlike all my friends in my personal life) this woman whom I admire wasn’t referring to her career as a dominatrix, or being misandrist, or making sexual innuendos in any way. This blew my mind. Sure, I think of myself as a man eater, but that title has always been relegated to my personal life. The idea that I could be a ball buster – at work?! And this is okay! Holy shit!
I am a woman filled with conflict. Yes, I’m a man eater in my free time, but it might surprise you (or, at least, it surprises me) that I am not a ball buster at work. I do not bring that big dick swinging energy to my professional life, mostly because I tried my hand at being a sex blogger – that shit got annoying as fuck. I got sick of men treating me like, well, a sex blogger. I wanted to be treated like a normal working girl. I didn’t want to carry the hang ups of hypersexuality into my professional life, so I assumed a professional persona that can, at times, be at odds with my true self. Mostly, I know that everyone likes a cute, fluffy girl with a smile on her face. People like a woman who isn’t threatening. They like someone over whom they can have power. They want a woman who will nod and smile and listen and never push the boundaries.
Well, fuck that! I don’t want to be that anymore! In fact, I’m disappointed in myself for not having the imagination to envision a version of myself, total bitch, in life, at work, and at play. Why did I think I had to be agreeable? I couldn’t ruffle any feathers? I can be a stone cold bitch and still get the job done. Oh, this is going to be fun. In the past, I panicked at the thought of having to enforce any type of rule or calling to collect. It didn’t feel ‘me.’ I was insecure about being disliked or dismissed. But, what the hell! I am so not that person! If she can do it, then so can I. Fuck it. I’m gonna make it happen. There will be consequences if I don’t make it happen.