“You’re not going to emasculate him, are you?”

I finally sucked it up and told my mother that I’m getting married. After she asked all the usual questions, which I obfuscated, this one came.

“Emasculate him? Why would you ever think I would do a thing like that?”

“I’ve seen you with your other boyfriends. Remember that boyfriend you had when you were 18?”

“Oh, yeah, but, like, what did I do?”

“Wow, you really don’t know yourself, do you?”

“Well, yeah, I know myself, I was just curious what gave it away. Yeah, of course I emasculate my boyfriends, but you don’t even know the half of it. Guess I should learn how to hide that shit more.”

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