When I meet someone new, there are two burning questions that I like to ask them: what is your favorite food? What is the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done?

You learn a lot about a person based on their answers. The first one is benign, simple, almost folksy. Sometimes I ask what is your favorite movie or what is your favorite animal if I want to switch it up. It’s such a little kid question. But it’s interesting to see where people’s minds go with it. It’s not the same as asking “If you were on death row, what your last meal be?” Favorite food can go in so many different directions. Is it your favorite thing to eat every day? Something attached to sense memory or nostalgia? Is there something special about what it’s made from or who makes it? Really, it’s a very emotional question.

Asking about the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done is an intimate question. It’s vulnerable. It’s the opposite of what is your favorite food. It’s a question for adults. What kind of risks have you taken? Are you ashamed of them? Does the question make you uncomfortable? Or are you trying to show off?

I love asking these questions of people, however I have found that people tend to mistake my interest in them for something else. Namely, they think that asking those questions means I want to cook for them and fuck them. Which is disappointing. If I wanted to cook for someone or fuck someone, I would just do it.

My favorite food is ribeye steak, medium rare, served at a restaurant, with all the accoutrements, and a glass of wine. The kinkiest thing I’ve ever done is crimson showers, but that’s a whole story for another time.

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