I recently found a copy of the seminal 2000’s dating advice book Why Men Love Bitches. There are a lot of problematic aspects to it, first and foremost that a white woman wrote a book that coopted AAVE language with chapter titles such as “The Mama/Ho Complex.” Okay, eye roll. But apart from that, there’s a lot of dated, cringey advice that honestly I had to laugh at because while, yes, I have subsumed some of these ideas into my personality, reading all these frankly misogynistic ideas written on a page is just ludicrous. Such as chapter titles: “When Women Give Themselves Away and Become Needy” and “What to Do When He Takes You for Granted and Nagging Doesn’t Work.” Basically it’s just a book that tells women not to be needy or nag their men.
My personally favorite chapter is “The Other Teams Secret Playbook: Thing You Always Suspected but Never Heard Him Say.” This one is filled with a slew of contradictory and petty quotes from various men that basically add up to, “Women talk too much.”
Yes! Women talk too much! God, I remember that cliche romcom line. As a woman who talks too much, I really have to roll my eyes at this classic cultural neg against women. As a former bartender and a current member of the hospitality industry, the idea that women talk too much is just…omigod, I seriously can’t believe people used to say that. We talk too much? Damn. To me, the ability to hold a conversation is a sign of intelligence. Knowledge on a variety of topics is sexy and knowing how to weave that into casual conversation makes for a scintillating first date. It’s almost as if men were collectively admitting that they had know experience in the art of communication from casual conversation to intimate arguments. Men idolized the ‘strong, silent type,’ as though that were a cop out for communication of any ilk. Honestly, I’m shocked by the lengths that men will go to in order to sabotage their relationships.
Suffice it to say: I refused to shut up. Now more than ever. I am going to run my fucking mouth as much as I god damn please, men of the world be damned!
Maybe if I can stem the nausea that this book is galvanizing in my stomach, I’ll have more pithy analysis of this misogynistic book, but I kinda don’t want to put myself through that kind of torture, so I think I’ll just stick it on my bookshelf as a living example of how our culture hates women.