Then all of a sudden, I’m here, and with a glimpse I find myself pawing at the rear view mirror and all the beauty that has passed me by. I didn’t even realize that my foot was on the gas until it was too late, and by now I’ve already left too many things behind me.
I did not know where the fuck I was going, but I’m here now. I probably should have read the map more carefully, paid attention to the road signs. I probably should have a destination in mind, but I didn’t. So I’m here now, and I have to ask: do I want to be here? Is this a good place to be? I definitely didn’t expect to turn up in a place like this, but there’s no leaving now, so…what should I do?
The palace that I think I deserve is still out of arms’ reach, slightly distant but still visible. Almost tangible, but before I am there I will always not be there, which is not where I want to be. Should I dig my heels in and live my life here? Accept my fate in this small, shit town? Or should I keep speeding towards the inevitable? Even if it turns out to be a mirage?
My gas is running out, and I try not to sigh as I calculate how much change it will take to get me to the right place in life. Can I even show up being the person I am now? Or am I, by my very nature, unworthy? Like a fading star whose place in the night sky is quietly being eclipsed by something shinier and newer.