I wasn’t always a feminist, but I always had a knack for keeping men in their place. It’s interesting to see my talents recontextualized in the framework of social justice, especially because being brazenly and openly defiant of men was always considered one of my less appealing characteristics. But I did it anyways because I was good at it, and also because it was fun.

Over the years, for better or for worse, I have honed my “me first” attitude whenever I’m around men. Whether it comes to sex, or ordering at a restaurant first, or getting a promotion, I’m always willing to cut the line and restore the natural order of things. I’m also willing to gloat about it and being a total fucking asshole even when there’s nothing to be gained from it. I just like winning, and I especially like winning against men.

If it weren’t for this nth wave feminist movement, I would be relegated to some corner of society and labelled “piece of shit” and left to rot. However, because the gender wars are at full throttle these days, being a piece of shit qualifies you as some sort of feminist hero. Yeah – I stand up to the man! Take that!

Normally this is all fine and dandy, but I’ve started to notice lately that part of the movement is smiling kindly on average women resorting to these kinds of tactics. While I’m glad that I get to blend in with the normal people, a part of me feels like: uh oh. The reason I like sticking it to the man, consequences be damned, is because I am, admittedly, a straight up sadist. I’d be doing this dumb shit regardless of whether or not it were politically in vogue. I just happen to be lucky that I’m existing in the right place in history. However, seeing all these nice, normal girls indulge what are otherwise my sadistic fantasies feels…kinda icky.

If you’re not a sadist and you do sadistic things to people, there is a palpable spiritual price that you’ll wind up paying. Being cruel can turn you into a sour person. Being mean makes you mean. Unless, of course, you’re a sociopath. But we shouldn’t be rewarding sociopathic behavior in the feminist movement, right? Sure, I know it’s all cool and shit to be mean to men, but, girlfriend, trust me – if it’s not you, don’t do it. It’s not worth it. Leave the sadism to the pros. You just be your nice self with your nice values and your nice life. It’s not your responsibility to make men cry.

However, if you find that you truly enjoy being a sadist and it has no psychic bearing on your soul – hey, girlfriend, let’s kick it! We got some shit to talk about.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s