It was Thanksgiving, so we decided to go to the strip club because, fuck it, we were already in Vegas blowing off our families, so might as well roll with the theme, right? We had decided to go to Vegas after I told my friend that it sounded like a good idea, and then Kelsey told her sugar daddy, and he bought the three of us tickets. At first we were surprised that a simple request had been met with such elan, but as soon as we landed, we knew: we belonged here.
It was truly a quintessential experience, replete with spa treatment, thrift stores, and streets teeming with morbidly obese Middle Americans and also some Asian people. It made me wonder what Vegas used to be – if now it’s a family vacation destination, was there ever any point at which this city as solely reserved for beautiful people? Because that surely isn’t the case now. There was definitely a sense of anxiety that went along with being there, not in the sense that we were disappearing into the crowds but more that the crowds were consuming us whole. I guess I had hoped to glimpse something a bit more glamorous in Vegas, but there was a thickness of despair in the air on Thanksgiving day as we cabbed past the Taco Bell Cantina that was filled with large families feasting on xeroxed Mexican food in celebration of some supposedly great holiday.
But, fuck it, that’s why we went to the strip club, right? To filter out all the small children and the disappointed couples who had traveled to Vegas to realize that an unfulfilling life in bumfuck, nowhere is also an unfulfilling life in Vegas, just with more neon and service charges.
We spent Thanksgiving wining and dining in the classiest fashion possible before high tailing it to the Spearmint Rhino, where we managed to find a stripper who lived in Oakland, too. I mean, we had abandoned our families on Thanksgiving to go be debaucherous, so might as well commit to the theme wholeheartedly, right?I’m pleased to report that the strip club on Thanksgiving was everything I wanted it to be: filled with weirdos and creeps like us. I, being straight, was fairly intrigued by the whole scenario but it was definitely a lot more exciting watching my friends get really, really into receiving lap dances, among other things.
I have to admit that it was hands down the best Thanksgiving I have ever had, despite the fact that I missed the usual locals and orphans party of desperation at Somar and Ruby Room, but, damn, there’s nothing that can top that party quite like a Vegas strip club on Thanksgiving. Won’t stop me from trying to top it again next year, but let’s wait and see what kind of fuckery I can find on Christmas first.