I was having social anxiety at a work related event the other night when a colleague whom I definitely have a friend crush on came up to me and said, “I don’t care what other people say about you – I fuck with you.” Ah, yes. I sat there and took another sip of my pisco and tonic while smiling in amusement. I’ve definitely heard this one before.
I thought it was pretty funny that even now, I still know that people talk shit. Really, my life is pretty tame nowadays so I can’t imagine that talking shit about me is in the least bit interesting, but, hey, I guess it’s still a relevant topic of conversation. While at a dinner party with my extended social circle, I recounted that little tidbit to my friends, who, of course, chimed in by saying, “Yeah, I heard horrible things about you when I met you, too.” (Except, of course, for that one guy who commented to Kelsey that I was a “shrinking wallflower,” something we laugh about to this day because damn that guy does not have a good read on people, but, also, I met him a professional setting so I was kinda relieved by that one.)
In ye olde days, I would probably have dealt with these situations by demanding to know who the fuck is talking shit about me, but, honestly, it’s probably nobody, or it’s my ex’s current girlfriend, who also happens to be nobody, or it’s the ex girlfriend of someone I’ve been entertaining lately, and, surprise, she’s nobody, too. (Although, that’s not true, the new girlfriends and the ex girlfriends are usually pretty solid people, it’s just that the men we surround ourselves make us feel insecure about those who come before and after us, which is how we start to spiral into shit talking. I’m down for the feminine solidarity, but sometimes you gotta do a little bit of cyberstalking and shit talking before you realize, hey, I actually have a lot in common with this woman, even down to the men we fuck, so might as well be friends, right?)
Anyways, what I’m saying is: meh, who gives a fuck. Half the people I couldn’t stand five years ago moved away, and the other half are now my friends, so no harm, no foul. There’s a thin line between love and hate, and I’ll take both. I much prefer either of those to indifference.