Kelsey convinced me to make a Seeking Arrangements profile, which is kinda lol because I’m pretty sure I’m getting too old to do this kind of shit, and, also, damn, there I go again sticking my toe into the ocean of sex work and then realizing, fuck, sex work is real work! And I hate working, so I might be too lazy to follow through on any of this. However, I hit the one month mark of “not talking to my ex,” which is a god damn miracle, so might as well see what’s out there, right? Wrong. I thought Seeking Arrangements was going to basically just be like Kelsey’s blog – that thing is teeming with hot, old, rich dick! Unfortunately, Seeking Arrangements is just like the rest of the world, except with “more money.” Namely, a bunch of lames that I have to wade through before I start to fucking drown. Although, even the “more money” part is questionable – I’ve come across too many profiles for supposed sugar daddies whose net worth is less than $100k and whose annual income is less than $100k. Bitch, I didn’t come here to talk to people who make less money than me. Get your shit together. Anyways, after scrolling through page after page after page of wantonly uninteresting men, I had to ask myself, why is this not easier? I have to try?!?!?! My least favorite thing. There has got to be a better way to go about getting white men’s money. And, indeed, there is (girl, have you tried a lawsuit before? They’re amazing!), and seeing as I just did it (yup, settled that #MeToo suit for more money than any of these sugar daddies off the Internet would probably ever give me), I’m feeling a little jaded about the whole thing. But, whatever, I’m pretty single and Tinder has just become an echo chamber of pity and regret, so, might as well try Seeking Arrangements, which is basically just Tinder but with more money. Wish me luck.

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