Paroxysm

Spew it all over the Internet. This torrent of a tantrum, which erupts from me sitting calmly in my chair at home and ends with the small anxieties of, “Will this every have any long term impact on my social and professional standing?” Probably. Or, probably not. Only time can tell. This politically motivated fit that has recently revealed to me, damn, I guess I am a fighter.

Or, that’s what I used to do, and now I try to manage my outbursts in a more seditious manner. I realize that yelling on the Internet is a good way to show my hand without necessarily getting anything done. Sure, it looks cool in screen caps, but what if I formulated a plan that had nothing to do with plastering my emotions in every feasible comment thread and more to do with making money moves behind closed doors. I’m pretty sure the patriarchy was set up on the silent acquisition of power and not the loud kvetching in public forums.

I understand that in order to win this fight, power moves must be made when no one is watching. The Internet is a distraction that sucks up our energy so that we’re too exhausted to follow through on better, long term plans. It’s a trap, really – get worn out on a public platform so you don’t have any time to negotiate privately. Or, at least, this is my viewpoint nowadays. I shouldn’t show my hand. I should just show the progress I’ve made, and even then only to the people who matter.

Maybe our conversations should be private. I am certainly not equipped to wage this war in the public eye quite yet. We need to build more strength, more solidarity. The majority of this fight cannot be wagered on social media – it’s a recipe for failure, but I guess it is fairly seductive. Maybe we should discuss our strategies amongst each other before using these platforms as an avenue for education and domination. Social media is just part of the strategy, albeit the most visible part, but far from the most important.

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