It’s been a long day, and I hit the mattress hoping for the sweet relief of sleep to take me away from here, but as I lie there I can feel my heart pressing against my chess, like a butterfly trying to escape from my rib cage. The thoughts start swirling around inside my head, the million contingencies that riot against my reality and drag me down into chaos. As the silence surrounds me, the noise of myself raises to a fever pitch. Toss. Turn. Toss. Turn. Check my phone, smoke some weed, have a drink. Walk to the bathroom and back again. It’s getting late. And I’m still awake, and the more I’m awake, the less sleep I get, the more painful it will be to wake up, and the more tired I will be tomorrow. Chasing a sleepless cycle of waiting to get here, where rest awaits me, only to find myself unable to surrender to the only reprieve that I have been guaranteed today.

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